60-year-old grandma plans vacation for herself while 12 and 10-year-old grandchildren are in school, daughter chews her out for not being available to babysit: 'She should not be assumptive'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 13, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

It takes a village indeed, and it's nice to be able to rely on others to help you out with childcare. This is how we did things once upon a time when we lived in tribes and took care of each others' young. We helped others so that we got help in return. This is just how things went and we were probably better for it. Less of the burden of childcare rested on our shoulders and we got closer with our neighbors. Plus, our kids get parental influence from all different kinds of adults, which is a great thing for development. 

There is a difference, though, between being part of the village and taking advantage of the village. You have to learn your place in the community and not expect other people to take over one hundred percent of your responsibilities. You still have duties and you can't fork them off completely.

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  • 01

    AITA for booking a holiday outside of school vacations?

    I (60f) babysit my two grandchildren 12 and 10 f before and after school for my daughter 39f, who is a single mother. The children spend every school vacation with their father. So mostly if I plan a trip away I do so during school holidays. But I
    via u/steviewalker60
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10504806400
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what one mother was trying to do, though, when she relied a little too hard on her mother's help with her children. What started out as a nice favor from her mother became a little bit of a burden. And when she tried to live her own life, she was reprimanded. Read on for the story. 

  • 03
    booked a holiday outside of school holidays for myself and my sister. I spoke to my daughter at the time of booking, a few months ago but am not actually going for another 4 months. Yesterday it came up in conversation, my daughter was upset, she apparently had not
    via u/steviewalker60
  • 04
    paid attention to when my trip was but had assumed it would be during the holidays like usual, and was upset when she worked out it wasnt. I told her clearly that it wasn't in school holidays but she thinks I didn't tell her. I had my reasons for booking when I did, it's cheaper, my sister could
    via u/steviewalker60
  • 05
    get time off, it's a better season weather wise. And when I first brought it up my daughter said she would work it out. So now my daughter is angry with me for not considering her needs and wants me to change my booking. AITA for refusing to change my booking to suit my daughter?
    via u/steviewalker60
  • 06

    Commenters came to her defense.

    anitarielleliphe · 2h ago . If your daughter has 4 months to plan for childcare, then I am not sure why your daughter is upset. You gave her the dates. She has the ability to look at a calendar. She should not be assumptive.
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 07
    Your daughter being angry with you because you are not conforming to her schedule once for very valid reasons and going one step further in asking you to change your booking is exhibiting the following behaviors:
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 08
    1. entitlement . . . that your world revolves around hers and her needs. 2. a lack of appreciation for all that you do for her and your grandchildren. 3. actively trying to manipulate you by using her anger to coerce you to change your dates.
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 09
    4. cheap. If she is getting free childcare 99.9% of the time is she really so cheap that she cannot pay for it once? 5. inconsiderate and lazy. If she has 4 months to figure out an alternate plan for childcare, and originally had 6 months if she had bothered to look at a calendar, it really shows laziness
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 10
    and a total lack of consideration if she is angry that she has to spend time and effort to find childcare while you are on vacation. Remind her how much time, effort and money you save her with childcare and that every job allows for a person to take vacation, and at the time they want.
    via u/anitarielleliphe
  • 11
    A
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    cinekat • 2h ago NTA. You are, in fact, allowed to have your own life and plan it according to your needs. Or even your wants.
    via u/cinekat
  • 13
    Feelinggross99 • 2h ago NTA your daughter has all summer to find after school care for the kids. Do you happen to watch the kids for free, and she's just upset she'll have to actually pay someone?
    via u/Feelinggross99
  • 14
    gordonf23 2h ago NTA. And you absolutely should not change your plans to suit your (clearly ungrateful) daughter. Your daughter's response should have been, "Oh, good! I'm so appreciative of all the help you give us, and I'm
    via u/gordonf23
  • 15
    happy that I'm so glad you're going to finally some time to yourself, away from the kids for a change. I'll hire a babysitter while you're on vacation so you can relax with your sister."
    via u/gordonf23
  • 16
    . rememberimapers... 2h ago NTA seems like your daughter is forgetting what a massive favour you're doing her by being her constant childcare...
    via u/rememberimapersontoo
  • 17
    cskynar 2h ago • She can use her vacation time to watch her kids. She seems quite entitled
    via u/cskynar
  • 18
    BxAnnie 2h ago . NTA. You gave ample notice, and there is still another 4 months for her to work this out. She should be discussing this with her kids' father. She's already getting (free?) childcare and should be working around YOUR schedule, not the other way around.
    via u/BxAnnie
  • 19
    saregis1994 • 2h ago NTA. I also rely on my mother for childcare to work & I never expected her to take that into consideration when planning... it is nice when she does, of course but ultimately this is my son, I chose to have him so it's up to my to figure out
    via u/saregis1994
  • 20
    childcare. She has her own life, like you and deserves to do WHATEVER! Plus, she deserves a break, her being burnt out of childcare all together is gonna be much more stressful for me than dealing with a couple weeks... days... of no childcare throughout the year.
    via u/saregis1994
  • 21
    beena1993 · 2h ago NTA. I'm sorry. It makes me so upset when people take advantage of the grandparents like this. You watching her kids every day. this is a huge favor to her. She is acting entitled. My mom watches my daughter
    via u/beena1993
  • 22
    every Tuesday and my MIL watches her every Thursday. This really cuts down on the cost of childcare for us, and is a huge help really. I make sure they always know that. The only thing I ask is that they tell us as soon as they know that they have something planned, and we will make other arrangements. It's our problem, we are the parents. I just appreciate them doing it period.
    via u/beena1993
  • 23
    Your daughter is acting entitled. She had 4 months and could have figured something out. Most schools do before/after care. I'm sure she could have arranged that for temporary use. Not sure if you're considering, but
    via u/beena1993
  • 24
    please do not cancel your trip because of this. You deserve a trip and you should not have to revolve your life around this. Unfortunately I know too many parents that act like this toward their parents. She is the parent. It's her job to figure out alternative care.
    via u/beena1993

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childcare aita kids teenagers grandma moms parenting dad cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids grandmother mom Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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